GOT A JOB!!!!!!
Start date is within the next 3 weeks. Daycare details are being worked on as I type, and then the biggest decision is where we’ll move to next. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly. Goodness knows I’m already a big enough basket case with all the things that are coming at us just with this!
This stage of my life, the one where I let people from the dark parts of the past come waltzing back in and we pretend to make nice? It’s done.
I’m tired of reliving my old nightmares every time I close my eyes. I can let go of it – let myself grow up and be truly happy.
That’s a very freeing feeling, closing the door on all that hurt.
For the first time in a very long time, I am my own top priority. I feel cautiously optimistic about it. It’s like I’m watching mtself grow up from an outside perspective, but with insider insight. Very surreal.
Being that I normally avoid reflecting on the past, its kind of alarming to look back at who I used to be and realize just how far I’ve actually come. Looking forward is still very scary, but I thinly I’m finally brave enough to step up to it and fight for myself.
I’m growing up, you guys, and I’m doing it on purpose.
All-time most epic parenting moment of my life: teaching the girl child what shart means, then listening to her walk around all morning saying “poop fart” in a sing-song voice and occasionally at top volume. This parenting gig? It’s pretty stellar after all.
Productive day. Nothing important, of course. But still an accomplishment for me, nonetheless.
- met my friends for coffee, and managed to keep the beasties from destroying the inside of the shop
- spent an obscene amount of money on “organic” snacks for said beasties to placate them
- found gas for less than $4/gallon without running myself out of gas to get there (still paid $72 to fill up!!)
- lost my bank card, successfully froze it, and got a new card
- took my little sister out to look for a prom dress, with my children hauled along for the ride
- fed the beasties an actual meal for dinner instead of snacks or food in the car
- went back out dress shopping, with mom along, and picked out the dress my sister is going to prom in
- settled said beasties into bed with absolutely no fights, as they were worn the eff out
- resolved myself to a sick interest in The Royal Wedding, and set my DVR (no way in the world will I get up that early, nor will I stay up that late – I have things to do tomorrow, & I’ll be damned if I don’t get SOME sleep)
- had an absurdly unhealthy before-bed snack…and now I’m going to bed – don’t you dare wake me!!
It’s funny how a deployment can change aspects of your life you never even think about. And at the most unexpected times, too.
Like today, here in the Land of Faces. On a “normal” day, we’re all up by roughly 10am (we sleep late – don’t judge) to go about our business. Well today everyone was up in time for Jake & the Neverland Pirates at 8:30. Which would typically put naps at noon instead of not happening at all. Except the monkeys decided they weren’t on board with that plan & kept up the racket until close to 4pm. But heaven help me if they hadn’t taken those naps, so I let them sleep.
And sleep they did, until after 7. Thus throwing off the entire rhythm of our day. So here we are, at 9:30 at night, having cheerios & yogurt for dinner after making a run to Target for more milk. (By the way, going at 8pm doesn’t change the fact that “my” Target NEVER has enough check-out lanes open!)
And on top of everything? We haven’t heard from The Husband since yesterday – that’s unusual for us, in case that was unclear.
I feel…out of balance. Off schedule. Just downright weird today. Stupid deployment!
And for anyone who saw my fb post about the potential military pay issue – I will not be ashamed of my anger. There is absolutely no valid & logical reason to withhold pay from deployed soldiers & their families – I don’t care if the government DOES shut down for days on end. Those troops aren’t getting time off from their deployment because of it. And their families aren’t getting to see them, so the hardship & separation still continues. Don’t piss off the people off defending the very governmental process that is so failing them – or their families back home!!
I’ve been looking for a remote to mute my kids for however long it’s been since my oldest started vocalizing. (That’s almost 2.5yrs, for anybody who’s counting at home.) Sadly, all my effort has turned up nothing. And recently, they seem to be getting louder than ever. How is that even possible?!
I had to go to the dentist this morning, and God bless my grandmother for coming to stay with the demon seeds for me. The woman is a saint, no two ways about it. When I got back, I could hear them yelling and jumping and generally getting excited with our front door still shut…they’re LOUD.
My grandmother trucked it back up the road to home, and they flaunted some of their recently learned phrases. Along with hugs and kisses, they sent her off with a loud chorus of “ah yuv you.” it was enough sweetness to rot the teeth right out of your skull.
Somebody knocked on the door to question me about whether or not it was my car parked in their marked space, and they literally covered their ears when I opened the door. Told me I have nosy kids when they stood at the gate asking “who ah you.” Talk about hilarious. Dang.
Dinner is always chaos around here, but tonight we had the added insanity of trash cans getting knocked over and little feet running through the carnage, cackling. Between the running feet and shrill cackles, they kept talking to me and asking questions, but I couldn’t understand anything.
Asking them to slow down or quiet down or repeat themselves is always a treat. Sometime in the last couple weeks, they picked up their newest favorite phrase, “wha ah tah abou” (what are talk about). Endlessly, they yelled it at me. Ridiculous fun, that.
Sometimes kids just need to be put to bed early. It was one of those times tonight. Too much chaos and disorder for me to handle their continued antics. Feel terrible for it, but I was straight up MAD. They’re perceptive little buggers, those two, cause when I put them in bed and started to walk away they both sat up and told me “Mommy yuv you big.” Stuck me straight in my heart, and turned me all around. Don’t get me wrong, they were still horrible today and I wasn’t equipped to handle any more. But I walked out of their room ready to let go of it all and start things fresh in the morning.
Sometimes you just need to listen to ALL the little things they say. Otherwise you might miss something you desperately needed to hear.
It’s funny, y’know. Used to be I couldn’t post regularly to save my life. Now it’s just another part of my nightly routine. Can’t go to bed without throwin’ a little somethin’ at the ol’ blog.
Even before The Husband left for Jersey for all the preparation for leaving, I had this plan to write a little something to him every day. All the best intentions and conscious effort, and still it’s fallen by the wayside. Well I’m gonna get back on the wagon and make it happen. Gotta add it into the same routine as blogging, since that’s working out.
Headed up to my parents’ house earlier this evening. Needed to talk to my dad about becoming my gym partner. Seems to have worked out for me, just on his time table. Doesn’t much matter when, so long as he actually follows through. Feels like a big step in the right direction. On a whole bunch of different levels. Gonna be good.
I went to the bank today, only figuring I would deposit the check I’d been holding on to for the last two weeks, and then I’d head home. Turns out fate had other plans for me.
A guy I went to high school with works at the local branch of our bank. Well I guess it wasn’t just going to school together. He played on the varsity soccer team, and I managed them (with the help of another girl), so we spent a good bit of time together in the spring times. You might even say we were friends. Said friendship paid off for me today.
When I finished my banking business, we took a few minutes to catch up on the last 7 years. Routine “catching up” question, “where are you working these days?” came up, and clearly I’m not working. Turns out, he just got promoted to Assistant Manager. Tight life, man. So he asked if I was looking for a job, and if I would be interested in putting in an application, as they’re trying to fill a couple of positions right now.
I filled out an application on the spot. Not sure if HR will want a resume from me or not, but I’m sure I can put one together with a bit of help. I think at this point the waiting games will be the most difficult for me. That and finding the paperwork and necessary forms to apply for the child care fee assistance, since there’s nobody to keep the kids for me to go to work. Lord, I hafta hope the spots are still available at the daycare I wanted to put them in! It’s right next door!
Before I get ahead of myself…I know I have to get the job first. There’s plenty of competition for it, I know, since there are already like 10 other applications that have been submitted and I’m on the bottom of the pile. So I guess, if you could…think good thoughts and send positive vibes. Not only would it be good for our wallets, but it would help the kids out and it would be damn good for my sense of self-worth!
that I’m a suspicious person. Or at least that the police think I drive like one. Considering the dude followed me a good 3 miles before realizing he was outside his jurisdiction and turned around…must’ve been thinking something serious about me. Lord knows the car isn’t some sports machine, made for speed and lawlessness!
that I’m a good mommy – because my mommy said I am, so it has to be true!
my emotions are a little too intense and overwhelming when the slam into me and I can’t keep my mouth shut about them. (I still feel that way…please don’t be afraid of it, though.)
laundry won’t do itself while you’re away. I hate having to find that out the hard way.
my extended family is still just as insane as ever, and obsessed with discussing politics and the military and health care and other things they have no legitimate knowledge of, and thus have no business sounding off about like they do.
it is entirely possible for 2 people to eat out at a nice restaurant for UNDER $30 – my mommy and I proved it tonight.
real life “friends” aren’t worth their weight in salt, but internet friends are like extended family that you don’t get to see often enough.
there are some people in the world who still know how to be a true friend, even if you haven’t known them all that long.
sometimes I just need to have someone talk to me about all the things in their life that have gone wrong to remind me of how good my life has been, is now, and always will be.
there are no limits to how high my spirit can soar – proven every day that I get to spend with my babies, talk to my mom, and see The Husband’s beautiful face.
Whether you believe in a higher power, or nothing at all…I don’t think there’s any denying that there is good in the world. Of course there’s evil – without it, good would be entirely relative. But if you can find a way to see it, the good will keep you going on the darkest of days.
Hug someone. The feeling that there’s at least one person in the world who cares about you? It’s a powerful thing!
I got a break from “my world” tonight, and the difference it’s already made is amazing.
Nothing fancy. Just went out to dinner with my SIL – no, not the one I ranted at/about. Split a bottle of wine I had only tasted once before, and I’m now convinced I must buy cases and cases of it.
But aside from good food and magical wine, it was just nice to get out with another adult and not have to worry about “what will my kids eat” or if they were being loud and disruptive. I think I’d all but forgotten what normal adult conversation was like. And eating my own food while it was still hot? Forget all other ways of dining. I need to get out more often!
Does wonders for the soul to be able to drop all of your parental responsibilities for just a little while and be your own person. I think I’d forgotten what it felt like. Won’t be letting that happen again. Maybe next time we’ll go for pedicures – just to fulfill all the girly stereotypes. I think I could get used to occasionally having “me” time!!
