DrawnInFaces.com

We all have those special people in our lives that when they’re upset with us, it’s physically painful. I for one would sell my very soul to right the wrong and get back into the good graces of the select few people who have that tight of a hold on my heart. (For the record? My kids are usually not factored into that group. Not because they aren’t hugely important to me, but because by some otherworldly blessing they rarely get that kind of mad at me. And when they do it’s either hilarious or well-deserved and I’m proud of the fact that I got through to them and they learned whatever I was trying to impress upon them. Don’t judge me. I’m well aware of my status as a bad mom.)

Going outside to get my mail in totally summer heat appropriate clothes (jeans and a tank top) and having my neighbors look at me like some kind of trashy, street-walking hooker frustrates me. Especially when the people across the breezeway from me have all their windows and doors open while they’re having the kind of screaming-in-foreign-languages-while-obviously-throwing-objects-at-each-other fight that SHOULD warrant a call to the county police but won’t because of the ethnic diversity of the neighborhood. Funny thing, being in the minority. Makes me like a social pariah, and something to gawk at – even when things of far more “interest” are going on. And heaven forbid I go out with my kids, it’s like the pinnacle of attention-drawing goodness: young, white, mother of 2…alone! Oh holy hell!

Lately I’ve been really frustrated with the fact that I can’t contribute to my family in a “bigger” way than running our home and raising our children day in and day out. I know that my “job” is arguably one of the most difficult and important that I could be doing. It’s just hard to feel like I’m really doing things that matter when there’s no financial “reward” tied to it all. It feels like I’m “working” just to earn my keep and the things that I utilize and take full advantage of every single day. Never has The Husband held it against me that he works hard to earn every penny to support our family by himself. And it’s not like I’m going out of my way, trying to live an extravagant and costly lifestyle. But all the same…I desperately want to be a financial benefit to my family, instead of just living on The Husband’s efforts.

Something has been weighing heavily on my mind lately, and I need to take a few moments to get this thing off my chest. I’m a young mother. No secret about that. Anybody who knows me (or cares to ask) knows that I made some less that intelligent life choices in high school and was pregnant with my son when I walked at graduation. I was 19 when he was born (then 20 when my daughter was born), and forever changed my life. My childhood was over that day, and I walked away from nearly every opportunity I ever had to go party and just hang out being a “normal” young adult. Because that was how I was raised to believe it’s supposed to be: you have a child and they become your top priority. When they’re old enough to live their own lives without your help every step of the way, that’s when you get to think about living for yourself again. But lately, the growing trend – at least where I grew up and live now – seems to be these little girls (because they’re still children, really) keep having all these babies and talking a good game about wanting to be perceived as such good moms. And that’s awesome. I think everyone should have goals. But these same little girls that want to be seen as awesome mothers? They’re going out and living their lives for themselves – partying and clubbing and drinking with their friends (who don’t have kids) while their parents and families raise their babies for them. Now, I can understand the occasional night out to relax and let loose because you are still a young adult and wholly entitled to the chance to live that life. (Believe me…I have my own 2 children, and I’m raising them largely alone while The Husband is across the world. I know what it’s like to want the chance to relax and not have to think about feeding 2 other mouths or wiping 2 other butts!) But if your child spends more home time with your parents than with you, and you aren’t in school or working to provide for your child? Then as far as I’m concerned you do NOT number among the ranks of the good mothers. You give a bad name to the rest of us doing everything we possibly can to give our children the lives they deserve. These babies that we’ve consciously decided to bring into this world, and knowingly accepted the responsibility of caring for. They don’t deserve to be blamed for “ruining” their mother’s life – they may have changed everything forever, but they’ve ruined nothing. Not to mention that they didn’t choose to be born – we chose to bring them into this world. I cannot emphasize that enough. These very same girls out there partying and acting like children are complaining about the inconveniences of the very children that THEY CHOSE to carry to term and bring home with them! If you weren’t willing to give up your lifestyle to care for the child you created, there were other options available to you…other people who would give their right arm for the chance to be doing the very things you find so inconvenient.

I’m sorry – that’s one of those topics that really gets under my skin. So I’ll step off my soapbox before I say anything else I might regret later on.