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Decisions, Decisions

Filed Under: flow of consciousness, kids, random by Cait — 2 Comments
January 9, 2012

I think I’ve finally come to some conclusions and figured some things out for the near future. Which is a relief at the same time that it’s upsetting. I know that I’m doing what’s best for my kids, and that things will ultimately work out. But in the mean time people are going to get hurt, and that breaks my heart because I am such a devoted people pleaser. Of course, there’s also the part where my total happiness is on hold as well, but I’ve got so many other factors to focus on that I don’t have time to sit and think about being sad about it, so I’ll be more OK than the other parties involved.

Regardless, I think I’ve got it figured out for now, and have a tentative plan, Now I just have to research some things, and set the rest of the plan in motion.

Completely unrelated, if you know good realtors or have a house in the greater NOVA area that you’d be willing to rent us at an excellent price, let’s talk. Because we are so very out of here at the end of this lease term. Done, gone, goodbye.

The End.

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This Place…

Filed Under: cranky days, deployment, flow of consciousness, random by Cait — Leave a comment
December 21, 2011

I’ve missed it. Forgotten how it feels to put my words out there and lighten my mental burden. Probably because there’s been nothing I can say. Plenty I’ve wanted to…but that doesn’t so much work out when it’s not only your business you would be putting out there for God and country and world wide web.

Life is complicated, with all the intricately interwoven story lines that twist people in, out, around, and through each others’ lives. Makes me think of that cheesy quote that I can’t quite remember right now. Funny how that goes, in a not-haha-funny way.

So many absurdly random things that have happened recently. Things that a person could not possibly have thought to have happen in any kind of relative time frame, because there is no connection at all…except that it’s all connected, because it’s my life. Like how the Ohio trip finally came together and magically got me back in contact with a friend of mine after not talking for like 6 months. Except that since I couldn’t visit her then or shortly after like we had been planning, we’re again not talking. Whatever. That’s just the way my life goes. I’m over it. But then I finally had the nerve to speak my mind about some things that were really starting to feel like sand in my eyes. People aren’t happy with me for what was said or done, but it was what needed to happen, so things are better now – at least for me.

And now it’s 4 days before Christmas, and half my family isn’t going to be around. I haven’t decided how I feel about that. On the one hand, there’s less to deal with and stress over because there will be fewer places I have to be and people to please in such a short amount of time; plus it means we get to drag out all the love and giving and such for even longer since it’s being held for other reasons and returns as well. But on the other hand, I feel like I’m missing out on things…that all isn’t as it should be, since my routine is thrown off with the lack of scheduling conflict and demands on my time. Plus I have to go deal with my pets-in-law while they’re human-less for the holidays. And my babes don’t have their Daddy home for the holidays. Or their birthdays. So that sucks. Thanks for that, military. Eventually, though, that just becomes the rule, instead of the exception. Which is incredibly sad, and I try not to think about it.

Oh lord, I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of depressing shenanigans and wah-blah. I suppose brain dump is essentially complete for tonight. I feel…lighter isn’t the word I want, but it’s the closest I can find to put a word to it. Maybe at peace? Who knows these days?! Man, I need to get sleep! Off to that, then.

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And Scene

Filed Under: about me, flow of consciousness, good days, random by Cait — 2 Comments
November 23, 2011

This stage of my life, the one where I let people from the dark parts of the past come waltzing back in and we pretend to make nice? It’s done.
I’m tired of reliving my old nightmares every time I close my eyes. I can let go of it – let myself grow up and be truly happy.
That’s a very freeing feeling, closing the door on all that hurt.

For the first time in a very long time, I am my own top priority. I feel cautiously optimistic about it. It’s like I’m watching mtself grow up from an outside perspective, but with insider insight. Very surreal.

Being that I normally avoid reflecting on the past, its kind of alarming to look back at who I used to be and realize just how far I’ve actually come. Looking forward is still very scary, but I thinly I’m finally brave enough to step up to it and fight for myself.

I’m growing up, you guys, and I’m doing it on purpose.

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I Call Shenanigans

Filed Under: cranky days, flow of consciousness, random by Cait — Leave a comment
October 29, 2011

Not even Halloween and we’ve already had snow. (The wet, fluffy kind that doesn’t stick to anything, but still..) I can already tell this winter is going to SUCKASUCKASUCK! Not even thrilled about it.

But that’s ok, because if the weather is really that bad, then me breaking the bank shopping won’t happen…what with my intense hatred of driving in weather shenanigans. Add in the fact that in the DC area the widely understood equation for traffic is “instant moron, just add water” and snow only makes it exponentially worse.

Throw some backseat tiny terrorists into my personal equation? I can see us camping out in the living room eating popcorn and sweet bread, watching whatever random anime we can find on Netflix for weeks on end between tense trips to Target or Costco or the commissary to STOCK the house. Because homie don’t play that.

I can’t wait for spring! Damn good thing there’s a liquor store within walking distance….

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Things…

Filed Under: cranky days, flow of consciousness, frustrated, random by Cait — Leave a comment
October 28, 2011

That Are Awesome
- naked baby afternoons of amazing at home
- introducing my kids to the awesome that is Fraggle Rock
- no longer having go agonize about my own Halloween costume because I’m a mom and people frown on silly indulgences like that where I live
- daydreams about your eventual for always home…I never realized I had such ambitious desires
- hand-written letters between friends. correspondence FEW!
- friends who help you come up with plans to keep your kids entertained while also staying safe (you rock, sugar!)
- lengthy conversations about absolutely nothing, just because you enjoy talking to and listening to someone else; no matter the topic
- just about any Moscato from the Asti region of Italy…at least in my opinion
- long walks on the beach as well as dancing in the rain

That Are Not Awesome
- arguments of any kind with the people you care about
- friends who can’t grasp my total hatred for their football team and ask me to put that filth on my tv when my team isn’t playing them
- being all but attacked in the commissary by an old lady bent on telling me what a terrible person I am for being “so you.g with so many babies”
- continuing to be cold long past blasting the heat inside
- having no memory of chunks of your day, in episodes that can only be described as blackouts (I know, I need more restful sleep)
- obnoxious neighbors who make demands that infringe on your rights to live freely in your own home
- making no progress on housework despite solidly resolving to so just that

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True Stuff

Filed Under: cranky days, flow of consciousness, frustrated, kids, random, stupid lists, the boy by Cait — 1 Comment
October 25, 2011

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When I extend my generosity to you and you slap me in the face all watts but physically? Our so called “friendship” is not going to last all that long.

Females are not my usual choices for friend because, as a rule, they make things entirely too complicated and/or dramatic.

Sometimes you need to pay stoopid-expensive ticket prices to go to a movie by yourself, then pay more for snacks than the ticket cost – all to just get away, relax, and decompress.

Chicken nuggets, yogurt, goldfish, and “sweet bread” are SO qualifying dinner foods on a night mommy can’t manage cooking.

It is entirely necessary to take your friends up on offers of a night out on them when you can have the kids watched. The sanity it saves is worth an elephant’s weight in gold.

Phone calls from the Army are NOT, in fact, reason to walk out of the room where your children are playing to hear the person better. You will end up with permanent marker “pictures” on your WALL that could’ve been avoided by just letting the person get a little frustrated and have to talk a bit louder. I had to learn that one the hard way. See?

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Snippets

Filed Under: kids, random, stupid lists, the boy, the girl by Cait — 2 Comments
September 23, 2011

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Her: Mommy whassat?
Me: these are mommy chips.
Her: oh ew.

Her: oh Mommy, I need kiss you eyes *kisses my eyes* oh, Mommy, that feel funny.

Stemmed from nothing…
Her: oh, Mommy, *you* save a bunny wabbit.

Him: Mommy, we wanna watch dat moobee wiff a pwincess guhl. Sees pwetty. (Princess Protection Program with Selena Gomez & Demi Lovato…he’s only 3.5!!)

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Phrase(s) of the Day

Filed Under: cranky days, deployment, flow of consciousness, kids, random, stupid lists, the boy, the girl by Cait — Leave a comment
September 7, 2011

“Pickle Baby, you cannot fees the moth your froot loop. Especially not through the sliding glass door.”

“Boogie, if you pull those pants up one more time, you and I will be having a lesson on the concept of pantsing.” (For the record, the tag irritated his skin, and I had them sitting just-so with the tag not touching him. Plus they’re thisclose to being to short for him.)

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August in Phone Pictures

Filed Under: about me, flow of consciousness, kids, random by Cait — Leave a comment
August 24, 2011

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We did that whole vacation thing and the beach condo, and then a bit of hanging out at home.

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i…

Filed Under: about me, cranky days, flow of consciousness, frustrated, random, stupid lists by Cait — Leave a comment
July 27, 2011

am so unbelievably tired of these days that start out all kinds of awesome, but then one single conversation brings the whole damn thing crashing down around my ears.

hate being wholly misunderstood, and then feeling like i need to explain myself when nothing requires me to.

desperately want to drive to the mountains and take the kids for a long, exhausting walk. we all need the isolation and peace of being out in all the natural beauty.

would probably settle for flying down the highway, some Sonic happy hour drinks, and driving back home with happy kids – because that’s way cheaper than a hotel in the mountains with kids.

have come to learn that sleep is entirely over-rated…at least that’s the lesson that life seems to be trying to teach me lately. i’d like to kick life right in the throat for that particular lesson.

firmly believe that writing a letter you never intend to actually mail out is really very freeing. you’ve said all the things you wanted or needed to get off your chest, without the risk of your words being taken the wrong way or used against you later. drama free stress relief, for the flipping win.

cannot for the life of me understand why people seemingly go out of their own way to make their whole life more difficult. (i have no examples, just take my word for it.)

really need to retrain myself to sleep during normal sleeping hours so that i can be a better mother to my children.

despise being on the receiving end of someone’s fair-weather friendship nonsense. seriously…if you can’t lean on me when you’re having a hard time, don’t rub it in my face when your life is peaches. and on the flip side…if you can’t celebrate with me when you’re happy, don’t cry to me when you’re hitting rock bottom.

think the world would be a much better place if we would all bother to remember that as individuals we are all bound to be different. that’s not cause to argue or insult or harass. it means we need to learn, practice, and teach tolerance. we all clearly have to share this world…there’s no reason we shouldn’t make it as pleasant as we possibly can.

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